you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
