Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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