Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
