remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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