she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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