We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
