Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
