You work out of a Hotel?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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