you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
