I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
