Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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