Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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