you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
