So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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