There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
