Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
