There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
