Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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