Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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