fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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