Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just threw up on my dentist
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
