shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
