you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
