Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
