You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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