OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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