We're like a lot better than the average bears
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
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