my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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