One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
