bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
