i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
