gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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