You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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