Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
