I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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