I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
did you just send me my own nude
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
