Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
