We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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