Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
