I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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