He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
