he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
