She is in my trunk
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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