OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
