Midget sex pt 2 tonight
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
