If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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