every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
