Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
