i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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