somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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