I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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