Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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