a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
