a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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